July 31, 2013
“So…you are like an athletic
coach?” The 93 year old woman
asked me yesterday in the in Produce Specialties aisle at Publix Grocery.
I
explained that I had transitioned from my role as an art therapist to a Professional
Coach.
“Like
sports?” She continued, eager to fully understand.
“No…I
work with people who have a willingness to improve and enhance their
professional and personal lives – to nurture healthy relationships with
co-workers or family relations.”
“Ohhh!” She brightened. “So you make connections in
relationships.” She confirmed, her sparkling indigo eyes smiled.
“Yes. Connections. And relationships.
Those are highly important to me.”
“Me
too!” She smiled. “I used to be a
social worker in Massachusetts, so this is very intriguing to me.”
I
studied this vibrant woman whom I had just met less than two minutes ago. She was with her aid, a CNA – Certified
Nursing Assistant, Sherry, whom I had known for 6 years. Sherry had lovingly cared for a woman
with whom I had facilitated art therapy sessions for over 7 years. When our beloved Rose passed, we
consoled one another through sobbing wordless nods. I had not seen Sherry since Rose’s memorial.
This
is my new ‘Rose,” she announced proudly as if showing off a new born baby.
The
93 year old gracious woman, named Grace, said she hoped she would be half as
admired as Rose.
And
in the Produce aisle in Publix, I got to thinking about relationships and
connections.
At
93 years old, Grace was still making connections, and cultivating new
relationships. And there was a
passion I picked up immediately from Grace: to make connections, to continue to
learn and grow…to not stop until understanding is reached. Grace was a “relationship thriver.” I believe her 93 year-old purpose was
to flourish as a connector.
Grace cares deeply about making meaningful
sense of things in her life.
I believe the desire to connect is
innate. Certainly we see that
desire manifested online.
But there is a subtle difference between
connecting online and connecting face-to-face (F2F). It prompted this question in my mind:
How can one tell if one is mindfully
present online?
I am sure there are subtleties and
nuances that the culture of Millenials and Digital Natives understand. In my Psychology of Social
Interaction class this past spring, we examined and compared social behaviors
online and face-to-face.
We discovered that virtual language and
F2F communication are from different planets.
And while many ages are now text-savvy,
has that savviness put us in a socially isolated predicament – where we are so
arms length from one another that we have forgotten - or worse – never learned - how to engage the human
spirit?
Have we painted ourselves in an emoticoned corner where our happy
smiles, hearts and thumbs up are the only ways in which we communicate our appreciation
and loving thoughts?
I found myself so refreshingly engaged
with seeing Sherry and meeting the intriguing Grace. There is nothing like seeing the sparkle in wise eyes,
witnessing her authentic interest in what we were saying by the way she stood
up a little straighter and leaned forward on her walker. Her voice inflection took on a richer
tone. She gestured with her hands. She was animated. Sherry and I hugged. Grace and I physically touched one
another when we shook hands.
I could see Grace breathe beneath her
beautiful Monet-like painting on her soft blue and pink blouse.
Yet, I cannot see my friends breathe on
face book. I can’t tweet a real
hug.
Even if Apple or Galaxy GS came out
with 30 more icons and emoticons, I still don’t think we would have this kind
of connection. The energy
transmitted in our human race exchange is far more powerful than the energy output
from any tech app.
Consider your communication patterns
for one day to determine if your virtual communication outweighs your F2F. Notice the disparity. Ask yourself in which exchange do you
think you are more comfortable and why.
Which connection feels better?
What will you do with that feeling?
Next time you find yourself bumping
into a familiar face in the Specialty Produce aisle – at what F2F human
specialties will you pause to look?
Mindfully Yours,
Poppy
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